Lifestyles of the Audacious

Can't live with him, can't live without him

10:06 PM

I was doing so well. I almost made it two full weeks without crying. and BAM! one minor conversation and he manages to take me three steps back. How on earth does someone have the power to make me feel this way? Why does he affect me so much. I hate that. I hate him a little bit for that. I know it's not his fault. It's my own fault. It's what I get for allowing myself to fall. Even Othello misses Jackson! As I'm typing this right now, he's playing and rolling around with a slipper that has Jackson smell all over him. I seriously feel like my life is a freakin' skating rink. Once I fall, it's so hard to get back up. And just when I've almost got my balance back, I lose it and I'm back on my ass again. I want the ice to go away! I don't want these stupid skates anymore. I want to be barefoot. (Preferably on a beach please) I'm starting to wonder what I've done to deserve all of this heartache. I know I'm not always perfect, but I've never done anything with a malicious intent. I mean well. Whatever... I'm done being a big cry baby, on to happier things!

In honor of SUMMATIME, I made a "sand"bucket list. Get it? Like a bucket list, for my summer! I thought it was mildly creative =)

1. I'm registered for my very first ever half marathon! I've trained for marathons before, but have never actually ran in a real one! So I'm super excited. My long term running plan goes a little something like this: I'm going to do three half marathons (1. in KC 2. in Dallas next spring and 3. is in Chicago next summer) I figure that way I have friends to stay with, but don't get bored with just doing halves in Kansas. After doing those three, I will start doing whole marathons. I will keep doing whole marathons until I qualify for the Boston Marathon. (That's on my actual bucket list)

2. Skydiving!!! This Friday I book the date! I'm extremely excited and can't wait. I won't be saying that 10 minutes before I have to jump though. I garauntee that I will be hyperventilating! hahaha. I guess the pictures will show the fear on my face!

3. I am doing a belly dancing class at my new favorite dance studio. At the end of the summer they have an oppurtunity to perform.. and yes, my plan is to have it down well enough to feel comfortable and perform infront of people!! We will see how that goes. My hips usually only work when I'm a little tipsy haha

4. Last summer I started a James Patterson series called the Women's Murder Club. There are 10 books total (as of right now) in the series. I was only able to finish 1, 2 and 3 last summer. Considering the lack of boyfriend, puppy =( and the duties that come with having those two... I feel like I should have enough time to finish 4 through 10, right? Well we will see. It's a goal. I'm usually pretty good at reaching them in my own time. Let's just hope it's before school starts this fall because I won't have time to breathe once school starts!

I know there were more than four things on my sandbucket list but I can't find my list right now, and I have a terrible memory when it comes to my todo's. Probably why I make so many lists! If I find my list I'll add later. Anyways, I figure keeping to my list will help me keep my mind off of him. And I need that so badly. Between sleeping, working, working out almost two times a day to keep myself busy, and making new friends while keeping busy with the old friends.. I still manage to find moments to remember our good times, or to wonder what he's doing, or wondering if he's thinking of me too. I either need to get used to it, or find more things to do to completely get my mind off him. OR MAYBE I can find one of those pen things, in Men in Black. Have my memory erased! =) If only, right? Just kidding! It wasn't all bad with us. LOTS of good memories. More than the bad for sure. okay, enough. I shouldn't be allowed to talk about him on this thing anymore. We'll see how that goes.

I hope all my readers have a wonderful weekend. And have a happy Father's Day!

Thanks for reading,

Kitty Photography

11:32 PM

She's a dirty, dirty dancer...

11:33 PM

So my zumba class (the one at Amore) did a dance to that new Ricky Martin (or is it Ingleseis?) song. I hated the song, until I danced to it. Now I'm obsessed. CAN'T get it out of my head!

My weekend was very eventful!! Last weekend was spent sitting at home, feeling sorry for myself, eating A LOT of those really good Snickers ice cream bars. I watched a lot of movies. I did a lot of moping and crying and moving my things out of the house and into my new home. But this weekend I slapped myself into gear. Moping and throwing pitty parties never gets anyone anywhere. So I did something I really enjoy doing. I went out and met a lot of people.

I will admit, I probably had a little too much to drink this weekend. More than I usually allow myself, anyways. But I had SO much fun. I met so many great people, I played sand volleyball, hung out at the pool for the first time this summer, I tried my very first (or first three) Sake Bombs ever! (Pretty good!!) AND I went dancing. Dancing is seriously the best medicine for any of my problems! And I danced with a boy. I can't tell you how long it's been since I did that! The ex never wanted to dance with me. Even alone at the house.

This weekend was so eye opening for me. I'm glad I forced myself to go out and have fun. If I hadn't, I might still be sitting around wishing and hoping that I'd be getting a call or text from him. But we both know it's not going to happen. And as of this weekend, I'm okay with that! I now understand that the world is not ending, and that there are plenty of people out there that I haven't even met or given a chance yet. I made Chris the center of my world. Now, I'm the center of my world. (Well me and my little man) And now I'm doing things that make me happy. When I make decisions, I don't think 'what do I think Chris would like best'. I decide on what I like best. That independent, fun, outgoing, go-with-the-flow girl is back in business. I don't know how I ever allowed that girl to get away from me. But that's here nor there. I'm getting back to my usual self again. And I'm so happy I'm starting to see the silver lining!

I'm dancing my way back to happiness. (But not dancing dirty like the Ricky Martin song... Just dancing Torie style. Probably doing an old school vending machine move. If you haven't heard of it or seen it. Just ask, I'd be happy to show you) =)

I've got a BUSY BUSY week ahead of me, so sorry If I get a little lazy on the blogdates!

Thanks for reading,
TK