Lifestyles of the Audacious

I've known him for years.  I keep trying to figure out when I started to like him.  A part of me feels guilty because I wonder if I'd always had feelings for him but I was just really good at supressing them due to the circumstances of having a boyfriend?  Or had my thoughts of "Wow, what a great friend!" had just all of a sudden changed to "Wow, what an amazing friend that I have feelings for!"?  Or what if I was just feeling lonely, thus putting an illusion on him?  I'd like to think it's definetely not the third option.  1. Because I am not really a "rebounder".  It never really has been my style and 2. Because the whole "single girl" thing was and still is actually thrilling for me.  Either way, It's a strange feeling.  If I had to compare it in food terminology (because food is one of my most favorite things in the world) It would go a little like this:


McDonalds french fries... Salty, crunchy (or chewy, depending on how they cook them) goodness!!  They help cure the common hangover, and are good for days when all you want is to have an overload on carbs!



Wendy's chocolate malt... Chocolatey, thick goodness that melts in your mouth!! YUM!! My mouth is watering right now.  Good for the hot summer days, and also just good for when you're day is about to hit a low and you need a "pick me up".


Both VERY good treats on their own, right? !A M A Z I N G!

But let's say for some reason, you just decide to take two things, equally good on their own and put them together?  You're taking a chance with ruining two amazing snacks!  What if chocolate fries are disgusting... Oh, but what if it's SOOO GOOOD!?!?

Ya, that's what I'm feeling right now.  And no, its not hunger than I'm feeling!  Although.. ya maybe I am a little hungry now ;)



This post will have to be continued later because I just realized what time it is, so I am putting myself on a  "no more blogging until I get my studying done" order.

Thanks for reading,
TK

Like waking up smiling because I'm happy I took the leap, and he's overjoyed I leaped in his direction.

I have this look that can make anyone do what I want them to do.  I never really belived him until yesterday.

So I'm at the gym.  And I've been having "eye flirting sessions" with this guy.  Basically we just always seem to make eye contact, followed by the smile that undeniably says damnit he/she caught me looking again.    Well this has been going on for almost a month now.  It was starting to get to the point where it was becoming awkward.  Sooo I tried out the look.  The motive I was going for was something along the lines of "Now or never, dude.  You either come up to me and say something, or stop looking at me"  And 'whadya' know, he happened to spark up an interesting conversation about 10 minutes later.  I know that's a strange thing to talk about.  But hello? Self esteem booster.  1. very attractive man, 2. still wants to hit on me while I'm working out (aka sweaty and gross), and 3.  I now feel like I have "look" powers.  Pretty motivating!

Annnyways, So I ate my New York Street Dawg... DELISH!!! I haven't quite decided what my next dawg is going to be yet.  But I'll let you know when I figure that out =)

I had a moment of "Complete Breakdown" today.  I know these moments are bound to come and go.  Especially since we are still carrying on with our friendship throughout all of this.  But it's so hard sometimes.  Today I couldn't help but be completely torn apart about the fact that we will never be sharing our experiences with eachother again.  Maybe as friends, but never as a couple.  It's such a hard stepping stone.  I have to keep telling myself that we broke up for a reason.  He's NO good for me.  And I really don't have what he's looking for either.  It got me thinking about how men and women always seem to have atleast one or two things that really matter to them when thinking about the type of person they want to meet.  I never really had this at the top of my list until I really thought about it the last month or so.  I would really like to someday meet a man that is SPONTANEOUS.  I want someone that has no problem going outside of his comfort level.  Someone who is willing to break out of his bubble to do new and exciting things.  I love being spontaneous, and that's one thing I never really looked for in a guy.  I've had some spontaneous boyfriends in the past.  And looking back, I don't think I ever really got bored with them.  It was always exciting and adventurous.  I never knew what was coming next.  And there's really nothing better than keeping me on my toes.  The trick is to find someone who is spontaneous in certain, but not all, areas of his life.  I'll keep you posted on how that goes, hehe.

On a less mushy/relationshipy side of things...my BFFs from high school are currently planning a trip together.  I'm extremely excited.  We really haven't done anything with ALL of us girls since maybe the summer before college?  So I'm definetly pumped to get all the details worked out and get everything planned!

Okay... well I know that it was lame, but it's really all I have for now.  Sorry!  I'm on vacation next week and am taking a little trip to spend some time with the Schmee fam, Wheelz and Jeff, so I'm sure I'll have plenty of fun stories to share.

Thanks for reading,
TK

So many things I'd love to talk about, but don't have any idea how to begin.

For once, I wish your face was my blog, not this stupid internet screen.

So my zumba class (the one at Amore) did a dance to that new Ricky Martin (or is it Ingleseis?) song.  I hated the song, until I danced to it.  Now I'm obsessed.  CAN'T get it out of my head!

My weekend was very eventful!!  Last weekend was spent sitting at home, feeling sorry for myself, eating A LOT of those really good Snickers ice cream bars.  I watched a lot of movies.  I did a lot of moping and crying and moving my things out of the house and into my new home.  But this weekend I slapped myself into gear.  Moping and throwing pitty parties never gets anyone anywhere.  So I did something I really enjoy doing.  I went out and met a lot of people.

I will admit, I probably had a little too much to drink this weekend.  More than I usually allow myself, anyways.  But I had SO much fun.  I met so many great people, I played sand volleyball, hung out at the pool for the first time this summer, I tried my very first (or first three) Sake Bombs ever! (Pretty good!!)  AND I went dancing.  Dancing is seriously the best medicine for any of my problems!  And I danced with a boy.  I can't tell you how long it's been since I did that!  The ex never wanted to dance with me.  Even alone at the house.

This weekend was so eye opening for me.  I'm glad I forced myself to go out and have fun.  If I hadn't, I might still be sitting around wishing and hoping that I'd be getting a call or text from him.  But we both know it's not going to happen.  And as of this weekend, I'm okay with that!  I now understand that the world is not ending, and that there are plenty of people out there that I haven't even met or given a chance yet.  I made Chris the center of my world.  Now, I'm the center of my world.  (Well me and my little man)  And now I'm doing things that make me happy.  When I make decisions, I don't think 'what do I think Chris would like best'.  I decide on what I like best.  That independent, fun, outgoing, go-with-the-flow girl is back in business.  I don't know how I ever allowed that girl to get away from me.  But that's here nor there.  I'm getting back to my usual self again.  And I'm so happy I'm starting to see the silver lining!

I'm dancing my way back to happiness.  (But not dancing dirty like the Ricky Martin song... Just dancing Torie style.  Probably doing an old school vending machine move.  If you haven't heard of it or seen it.  Just ask, I'd be happy to show you)  =)

I've got a BUSY BUSY week ahead of me, so sorry If I get a little lazy on the blogdates!

Thanks for reading,
TK

Today was interesting!  I was asked out on my first date since the BU.  I haven't been asked out on a date in so long.  Even with Chris, he technically never asked me out on a "date".  I was supposed to go to a movie with Brady and Chris.  Brady ended up "not being able to go", and Chris called it a date two hours before we actually met up.  Thinking back on that now it makes me laugh.  He's never been one to be able to come forward and say what he wants or what his intentions are.  He just sneaks it into the middle of a sentence.  Just like he did with our first date.

Anyways, it was the strangest feeling.  Apart of me was thinking 'Yes, do it.  Get out there and have some fun.  Nothing wrong with that.' The other part of me was saying 'No, you're not ready yet.  Chris still controls about 95% of your thoughts.  It'd be rude to agree to this date'.  I agreed with the second set of thoughts.  How rude of me to even contemplate going on a date when I'm so sickly upset about a relationship that ended 18 days ago.  In the end, I atleast was able to feel good about the fact that someone wants to go on a date with me.

:::It's a good thing Chris doesn't read this, because he'd be so upset about what I'm about to say:::

One thing that Chris always criticized me about was how I always took everything he said so literally.  One thing that's been on my mind for about a week now (and got worse when I read an anonymous comment on my last blog post)  is something he said to me a couple of times one day.  The end of a few of his sentences said "right now".  It bugged me so much.  I tried not asking him what he meant by that, fearing that he was going to assume I was being all literal about it (like usual).  But I did anways.  And what he said was that he knew we weren't right for eachother right now, but that he didn't know what was to come in the future.  I'm not sure if he was doing that to keep me holding on this tiny, little string of hope that I would get a phonecall someday soon saying that he couldn't live without me.  I'm sure guys do that to keep that little bit of control even after the breakup.  But whatever his true feelings or intentions are with those two words, it's working.  I'm not sure if that's the reason I said no to this guys date proposal, or if truly I just am not ready to even think about eating a meal with someone other than Chris sitting across from the table.  Either way, I like to think of today as a step forward.  Because for the first time, my mind wasn't solely on Chris.

Oh, and Spanish was great too!!  I also did a nice workout after class.  I think my trainer will be proud =)
Time to watch more Sex in the City, and eat some DanDan Noodles =) YES!!!

Thanks for reading,
TK