Today was interesting!  I was asked out on my first date since the BU.  I haven't been asked out on a date in so long.  Even with Chris, he technically never asked me out on a "date".  I was supposed to go to a movie with Brady and Chris.  Brady ended up "not being able to go", and Chris called it a date two hours before we actually met up.  Thinking back on that now it makes me laugh.  He's never been one to be able to come forward and say what he wants or what his intentions are.  He just sneaks it into the middle of a sentence.  Just like he did with our first date.

Anyways, it was the strangest feeling.  Apart of me was thinking 'Yes, do it.  Get out there and have some fun.  Nothing wrong with that.' The other part of me was saying 'No, you're not ready yet.  Chris still controls about 95% of your thoughts.  It'd be rude to agree to this date'.  I agreed with the second set of thoughts.  How rude of me to even contemplate going on a date when I'm so sickly upset about a relationship that ended 18 days ago.  In the end, I atleast was able to feel good about the fact that someone wants to go on a date with me.

:::It's a good thing Chris doesn't read this, because he'd be so upset about what I'm about to say:::

One thing that Chris always criticized me about was how I always took everything he said so literally.  One thing that's been on my mind for about a week now (and got worse when I read an anonymous comment on my last blog post)  is something he said to me a couple of times one day.  The end of a few of his sentences said "right now".  It bugged me so much.  I tried not asking him what he meant by that, fearing that he was going to assume I was being all literal about it (like usual).  But I did anways.  And what he said was that he knew we weren't right for eachother right now, but that he didn't know what was to come in the future.  I'm not sure if he was doing that to keep me holding on this tiny, little string of hope that I would get a phonecall someday soon saying that he couldn't live without me.  I'm sure guys do that to keep that little bit of control even after the breakup.  But whatever his true feelings or intentions are with those two words, it's working.  I'm not sure if that's the reason I said no to this guys date proposal, or if truly I just am not ready to even think about eating a meal with someone other than Chris sitting across from the table.  Either way, I like to think of today as a step forward.  Because for the first time, my mind wasn't solely on Chris.

Oh, and Spanish was great too!!  I also did a nice workout after class.  I think my trainer will be proud =)
Time to watch more Sex in the City, and eat some DanDan Noodles =) YES!!!

Thanks for reading,
TK