Lifestyles of the Audacious

When I was really down and out, Tyler, Lexie and I went to Pei Wei for some feel good food.  Of course I had a fortune cookie at the end! (Duh!)  the fortune cookie said "Your kindness is surely to be repaid."  That night I put it on my bathroom mirror to remind myself that no matter what happens in life, if you go about it in a positive manner, things will turn out better than you expected.  And so far, they have.  I don't mean to sound corny but I think God made sure that I got that little slip of paper in a really bad cookie.  I think it was his way of telling me I am going to be okay.  Here I am three weeks later.  I looked at the fortune today and smiled.  I have a great family, amazing friends, and have had so much fun meeting so many new people.  I'm having fun being me.  And my fortune was right.  My kindness is being repaid.  LIFE is being kind to me.  My life's not perfect, and it never will be.  But I think I can honestly say that if given the oppurtunity, I wouldn't change a thing.

Never thought such a small piece of paper could help me realize how great this big world is...

Well my Lil Man is going to be okay!  Dr. says it's a tissue protrusion on his occipital lobe.  She thinks it was mostly like caused by weight loss, or stress, or knocking his head into things one too many times.  I'm guessing it's a little bit of all three.  I've lost a lot of weight since my heart broke.  I think Lil man is a lot like me. He's lost 3 lbs since his heart broke too.  That's a lot of lbs in kitty weight.  So I'm going to make sure I get him his fav food in the world tomorrow after espanol.  It may not be the healthiest thing for him in the world, but he'll plump back up in no time.  I've never seen him turn down TURKEY!  (he will swipe it right out of my hand if he gets an oppurtunity).  I'm also going to make sure I give him a little extra love, too.  It was prescribed =)

Other than that today was great.  We had our official opening of Pediatric Partners, PA at the new location!  It was fantastic.  Things went smoothly.  (some kinks here and there but all worked out very well)  I'm so proud of everyone that I work with.  Such great motivation and team effort from them all.  I'm especially proud of Dr. B.  He is such a wonderful boss.  I feel like he's family to me, considering I've worked there for almost 6 years this August (WEIRD!).  It just makes me so happy to see how far he's come with his practice.

Here's a picture of the three owners of the practice infront of our new mural...


Dr. Mellick, Dr. Stuppy, and Dr. Blum.  Can you tell they work with kids everyday?  They are kids themselves =)

Well I did like 45 minutes of cardio AND THEN did Zumba, so I'm EXHAUSTED!  It's bed time for sure =)

Goodnight and thanks for reading,
TK

If it's a broken part

So my zumba class (the one at Amore) did a dance to that new Ricky Martin (or is it Ingleseis?) song.  I hated the song, until I danced to it.  Now I'm obsessed.  CAN'T get it out of my head!

My weekend was very eventful!!  Last weekend was spent sitting at home, feeling sorry for myself, eating A LOT of those really good Snickers ice cream bars.  I watched a lot of movies.  I did a lot of moping and crying and moving my things out of the house and into my new home.  But this weekend I slapped myself into gear.  Moping and throwing pitty parties never gets anyone anywhere.  So I did something I really enjoy doing.  I went out and met a lot of people.

I will admit, I probably had a little too much to drink this weekend.  More than I usually allow myself, anyways.  But I had SO much fun.  I met so many great people, I played sand volleyball, hung out at the pool for the first time this summer, I tried my very first (or first three) Sake Bombs ever! (Pretty good!!)  AND I went dancing.  Dancing is seriously the best medicine for any of my problems!  And I danced with a boy.  I can't tell you how long it's been since I did that!  The ex never wanted to dance with me.  Even alone at the house.

This weekend was so eye opening for me.  I'm glad I forced myself to go out and have fun.  If I hadn't, I might still be sitting around wishing and hoping that I'd be getting a call or text from him.  But we both know it's not going to happen.  And as of this weekend, I'm okay with that!  I now understand that the world is not ending, and that there are plenty of people out there that I haven't even met or given a chance yet.  I made Chris the center of my world.  Now, I'm the center of my world.  (Well me and my little man)  And now I'm doing things that make me happy.  When I make decisions, I don't think 'what do I think Chris would like best'.  I decide on what I like best.  That independent, fun, outgoing, go-with-the-flow girl is back in business.  I don't know how I ever allowed that girl to get away from me.  But that's here nor there.  I'm getting back to my usual self again.  And I'm so happy I'm starting to see the silver lining!

I'm dancing my way back to happiness.  (But not dancing dirty like the Ricky Martin song... Just dancing Torie style.  Probably doing an old school vending machine move.  If you haven't heard of it or seen it.  Just ask, I'd be happy to show you)  =)

I've got a BUSY BUSY week ahead of me, so sorry If I get a little lazy on the blogdates!

Thanks for reading,
TK

Today was interesting!  I was asked out on my first date since the BU.  I haven't been asked out on a date in so long.  Even with Chris, he technically never asked me out on a "date".  I was supposed to go to a movie with Brady and Chris.  Brady ended up "not being able to go", and Chris called it a date two hours before we actually met up.  Thinking back on that now it makes me laugh.  He's never been one to be able to come forward and say what he wants or what his intentions are.  He just sneaks it into the middle of a sentence.  Just like he did with our first date.

Anyways, it was the strangest feeling.  Apart of me was thinking 'Yes, do it.  Get out there and have some fun.  Nothing wrong with that.' The other part of me was saying 'No, you're not ready yet.  Chris still controls about 95% of your thoughts.  It'd be rude to agree to this date'.  I agreed with the second set of thoughts.  How rude of me to even contemplate going on a date when I'm so sickly upset about a relationship that ended 18 days ago.  In the end, I atleast was able to feel good about the fact that someone wants to go on a date with me.

:::It's a good thing Chris doesn't read this, because he'd be so upset about what I'm about to say:::

One thing that Chris always criticized me about was how I always took everything he said so literally.  One thing that's been on my mind for about a week now (and got worse when I read an anonymous comment on my last blog post)  is something he said to me a couple of times one day.  The end of a few of his sentences said "right now".  It bugged me so much.  I tried not asking him what he meant by that, fearing that he was going to assume I was being all literal about it (like usual).  But I did anways.  And what he said was that he knew we weren't right for eachother right now, but that he didn't know what was to come in the future.  I'm not sure if he was doing that to keep me holding on this tiny, little string of hope that I would get a phonecall someday soon saying that he couldn't live without me.  I'm sure guys do that to keep that little bit of control even after the breakup.  But whatever his true feelings or intentions are with those two words, it's working.  I'm not sure if that's the reason I said no to this guys date proposal, or if truly I just am not ready to even think about eating a meal with someone other than Chris sitting across from the table.  Either way, I like to think of today as a step forward.  Because for the first time, my mind wasn't solely on Chris.

Oh, and Spanish was great too!!  I also did a nice workout after class.  I think my trainer will be proud =)
Time to watch more Sex in the City, and eat some DanDan Noodles =) YES!!!

Thanks for reading,
TK

A friend of mine told me a couple of weeks ago that it's times like this when you learn who your true friends are.  Well she was absolutely right.  I'm not surprised to see the few people that don't care, haven't said a word to me since Chris and I broke up.  To be honest, I wasn't really expecting a lot of people to talk to me after the whole thing went down.  I know that I came into the circle of friends through Chris, So I was expecting to be sord of "pushed out" through Chris too.  Not that I'm saying he would tell everyone not to hang out with me.  I know he wouldn't do that.  Just saying, most people kinda go back to how it was before the "girlfriend" came into the picture.  But it's been really nice to hear from the one's I've grown to really enjoy.  The people that accepted me for who I was, and not just because I was their friends' girlfriend.  These last couple of weeks have been rough.  No matter how may day was; shitty, fantastic, so-so.. I was always excited to come home and tell Chris about it.  He is... was my best friend.  Now when I have something exciting (or not so exciting) to tell the world, all I want to do is drive home and tell him, or call him and tell him.  But it's not my home anymore.  And I can't just pick up the phone and dial his number anymore.  No not only was I scared of losing my best friend, I was scared of losing all the friends I had accumulated through him.  I also have a hard time with losing another family.  But it truly has been encouraging to know that through all this, I do still have those friends that I can call.  And they are here for me when I need them.  (Thank you girls!)

Zumba killed me once again.  I was sweating in places I never thought I could sweat.  Felt really good though, until I was walking to the locker room and saw Chris and Pat walking into the Gym.  Good thing I was done with class because I suddenly felt sick to my stomach.  I'm not sure if it was the high intensity of the class or seeing Chris for the first time in a while, but a couple of minutes and an empty stomach later, I felt miserable.  I started watching Sex and the City (Season two) lastnight, and it was an episode where Bigg and Carrie had a big break up (their first of many) and Charlotte made some comment about how it takes half the time of the relationship to get over that person.  Chris and I dated for a year and 10 months.  If that has any truth to it, this is going to be the roughest 11 months of my life!

Okay, I'm still wearing my very damp workout clothes, and I have a lot of unpacking/organizing to get to.  Not to mention I should really try to eat something.

Thanks for reading,
TK

Today SUCKED!!

I woke up to learning that Randy Hobbs passed away this morning.  He fought cancer for over two years.  The doctors didn't think he would make it six months, but he did.  Now he's in a much better place, living a much happier life, and waiting for the rest of us to come.  I think if he were to say something to me right now it would be something along the lines of "Take your time getting here, but when you do, let's drink a cold one and do a little donkey kickin"  Donkey kick is a dance that he always did.  Cracked me up! I never got enough of his strange dance moves!

I tried to get the last of my things from Chris' house, but when I got there it was quiet, and lonely, and a little empty.  I could hear everything my mind was thinking.  Unfortunately, that's not a good thing these days.  I couldn't concentrate because all I could think about was how I feel like my life is falling apart.  I know it's not.  I know that I'm fine.  But it just feeeels like it is.  I hate that.  I hate knowing that I'm fine but feeling like I'm not.  I wanted to badly to put all of Chris' things in order for him so that when he returned home this weekend, it'd be like I never lived there.  I didn't want him to have to come  home and move all of his furniture into his bedroom and see any of my things, but unfortunately I just couldn't do it.  Not only because I am physically unable to move his furniture by myself, but because it killed me to even be there.

I cried a lot today.  I know in my last post I talked about how getting me things out of the house was giving me closure.  Well that was yesterday.  But today it wasn't.  It was this feeling of "Oh my god, this is really it!"  And I hate that.  Those stupid "shoulda woulda coulda's" came rushing right back to me. Every day is like a part of a rollercoaster.  Yesterday was the up, today was the down.  When do I just get to go up?

From now on, I am making myself list a couple of things I look forward to.. whether it be things going on this week, or this month, or even this year.  That way I can focus on those things, instead of thinking about the past.

I look forward to my Zumba class tomorrow.  That class kicks my butt everytime.  Someday, I will kick it's butt!!

I look forward to Spanish III starting this week!!

I look forward to my dinner choices this week.. I'll let you know how they turn out.

I look forward to getting a little bit of strength back this week.

I look forward to Jeremy giving me more pain!!  Love personal trainers =)

Ok, it's bed time!!

Thanks for reading,
TK